"He's a nerd," he told him. "He's a nerd, because he never played any sports."
Even though we had virtually nothing in common, I thought we could at least find common ground over the fact that we are both Ohio State University Football fans.
"Yeah he did," he responded in my defense. "He played basketball and he was a swimmer."
"Well, he's a pussy too. Those aren't contact sports. Basketball is a nigger sport and swimming is a faggot sport."
Trust me, I do not care what his loser uncle thinks about me, but I do care what he says to my step-son about me or anything else for that matter.
What is it that makes me a nerd? Is it the fact that I became an Ohio State football fan while attending law school in Ohio and not when I was serving time in jail?
What is it that makes me a pussy? Is it playing a "nigger" sport in a state where I did not have a black teammate and played against teams without any black players. I think one team we played had one black guy. That was it. Basketball is not traditionally considered a contact sport, but I wonder how he would feel if he actually played ball against me some time. I would be willing to bet that I hit more people on a basketball court, without pads and helmets, than he ever did on the football field.
Or was it being a swimmer that makes me a pussy? I practiced BEFORE school and did my homework and had a social life after school. If swimming is a faggot sport, then I was pretty fucking gay. I set state records and was one of the 200 fastest faggots in the United States. I also continued my faggery as a swimmer in college. I suppose I could have been more "straight" wasting time in jail. For someone who talks about being straight he certainly seems to like having "contact" with other men a lot.
Maybe it is paying my own bills that makes me a pussy. I do not live with my brother and his wife and two kids. I have held a job for extended periods of time and I treat my mother with respect. Maybe that is the stuff that makes me a pussy in his eyes.
As I said, I really do not care what the asshole thinks about me but I DO care what he says to my stepson. I go out of my way to not talk to B about what a douchebag his uncle is and it is difficult. For now, I'll continue to be the grown-up in all of this but I hope that B is able to identify who the "pussy" is as he gets older.
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I'm willing to bet he already knows.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this uncle would like your home state, despite its flaming Yankeeness, because of it's almost entirely homogeneous ethnic makeup.
ReplyDeleteAnd be sure to point out to B that swimmers are almost constantly surrounded by female swimmers too, in bathing suits. That is hardly gay.
I will say that B clearly values your opinion, because he told you what the uncle said. If he valued that uncle's opinion at all, he would've kept that conversation secret.
Plus, the whole effect of the Michael Phelps phenomenon can't hurt, either.
ReplyDeleteWell, B did not tell me what he said because he did not want to hurt my feelings but he did tell Heather and she told me. I pretty much have to pretend I do not know about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I should quote a girl I met in college on the other point Steve made... "Just because you are on the swim team you can get any girl you want..."
Now, I did not find her statement to be accurate, but there was at least that perception but some.
Amanda- Phelps is kind of a dork and everything but I think most people like him and most respect what he can do... especially athletes from other sports.
I think he knows, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd pft, basketball is too a contact sport, only you don't get to wear pads. My kid plays, and I worry CONSTANTLY that he'll break his elbow when it hits the floor or will get a really bad road-rash when he goes skidding along, ugh, that horrible sound it makes... I find myself worrying more when he's playing basketball than when he played football. It's definitely a contact sport.
And swimming, that's impressive too, not just anyone can do that. I sure can't.
Say hi to H for me...
Basketball is not a contact sport...more often than not, a whistle will be blown if there is inappropriate contact. As opposed to soccer, where there is sometimes violent contact and whistles are only blown if it's some French guy crying. But even soccer is still not a contact sport, because technically much of it's against the rules. Football, Rugby and Hockey....those are contact sports.
ReplyDeleteAnd Phelps, while absolutely ripped, is very creepy looking with his Rottweiler teeth.
True Steve, but I played goal in soccer and took more than a few kicks in my day. I didn't even mention that in the entry.
ReplyDeleteI agree that basketball is not a contact sport in the traditional sense but I think that getting hit by a backpick by a 250 pound guy when you are running full speed and falling onto a wooden or concrete surface probably hurts more than most of the padded hits a football player takes. There are definitely some vicious hits in football, but I would argue that most of the "contact" is not all that bad and certainly not nearly as bad as rugby or hockey.
Agree with Mando - B probably already knows..
ReplyDeleteWater polo is also a contact sport with swimming even. I still have the bruises from '87.
ReplyDeleteYou can tell how gay a dude in LA is by the size of the gun rack in his truck window. It's science.
Thanks guys. Kona- I almost went to UMass simply because they had a water polo team. I always wanted to try that sport.
ReplyDeleteA contact sport is one where you get pounded by an opposing player, and there is no expectation whatsoever of a whistle. Not saying there's no contact in basketball, but it's not an inherent part of the game. Much like contact in baseball. Yes, it happens, but not nearly as much since Pete Rose retired.
ReplyDeleteBasketball was very much a contact sport when I was in the game, although not by your definition. Whistles were absolutely blown and benches may or may not have emptied on more than one occasion. Most people did not likely playing against me.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, we need to find a site with homepage comments.
Did it have anything to do with you licking your lips a lot, and touching your opponent on the ass to unnerve him?
ReplyDeleteyes
ReplyDeleteWater polo is the shit. Where else can you wear a rubber speedo and it's okay?
ReplyDelete*waits for Steve to answer*
Germany. The answer is Germany, Kona.
ReplyDeleteSwimming. I developed a healthy dose of respect for that last year.
ReplyDeletePeople who think it's a pussy sport are scared of it, and that in turn, makes them a pussy. I've seen huge, ripped guys hanging on the ropes like little girls because they thought they could blow through a measly 300yd swim on a sprint triathlon without any training.
I bet B already knows what's true and what's not, but I wonder why the uncle doesn't like you? Sounds like a pretty ignorant asshat to me, somehow trying to get between you and B.
Watch out for that.
i played basketball once for the school (they were very short and so am i) and i got the shit kicked out of me (i'm absolutely useless)
ReplyDeleteall sounds pretty redneck to me... dude probably has always fancied H in some perverse family way and it riles him that she's happily shacked up with someone who's literate