Dad

Dad passed away December 26, 2009. As his funeral approached, I considered whether or not I wanted to speak. I knew I had much to say, but was not sure whether I would be able to do so in any sort of comprehensible form. I thought about it for days.

We got the call on Saturday night. It was supposed to be date night, but for one reason or another, date night had turned into stay home and watch a movie night for Heather and me. We found "The Green Mile" on television and watched. The call came at 9:14 Central Standard Time. My brother Drew called to tell me that my father had had a heart attack. My mother was at the house with my father and the Paramedics. They were bringing him to the hospital and my sister Emily was on her way to meet them. He would call me when he heard anything else.

I got off the phone and told Heather what was going on. She had a million questions and I couldn't answer any of them. I told her everything I knew from the 90 second conversation. She urged me to call Emily. I called and learned from her, that my father had passed away. Immediately thereafter, Drew called and relayed the same news he had heard from Emily.

"Had anybody called Chris?" I asked.
"I have left him three messages," Drew responded.

I got off the phone and called my brother Chris and got through... he had also heard the horrific news from Emily who had finally reached him by calling his wife's mobile phone.

This flurry of phone calls set into motion a series of events. I lost it and exploded, letting out more emotion than I can ever recall in my lifetime. Heather held me as I sobbed like a little kid.

We were in New Hampshire 24 hours later. The funeral arrangements were made the following day and I had a few days to consider what to say if I could bring myself to speak at my father's funeral. A lot went through my head. I asked Heather what she thought. Of course she encouraged me to do it if I wanted to do it. I decided not to write anything down in case I chose not to speak. I didn't want to know I had prepared and couldn't follow through. If I were going to speak, it would have to be extemporaneously.

When Saturday came and the service was underway, the man conducting the ceremony asked if anyone cared to speak and share some memories with those assembled. First my right leg moved. Heather, sitting to my left, patted my left arm. I rose and walked forward. When I spoke, it went something like this,

"Hello everyone. I knew I wanted to say something, but I didn't really prepare, so we'll see how this goes.

I wanted to take a minute to talk to you about my father and the perspective that I have of him. Those of you in the family know this, but many of you outside the family may not know this. My mother died when I was very young... 6 years old. So, for a few years, at least until he met my wonderful mother (step-mother) Roxanne, he was raising 4 kids on his own as a single Dad.

A few years ago, I told my dad how impressed I was with what he had done under those circumstances and thanked him for everything he had done for me and my brothers and sister. His response was, "Well, what did you expect me to do?"

Of course it was understated and that is how he was about much of what he did. One time I asked him about his philosophy on parenting and fatherhood and he said, "Ian, more than anything, I always wanted to be someone you could count on."

He was definitely that. I could always count on him and still do. Not only would I literally not be here without him, but I wouldn't have been able to tie this tie. I certainly wouldn't have been able to drive here in this snow. So, I still count on him and will continue to do so.

Finally, I wanted to share one last thing with all of you. I spoke to my father on the phone on Christmas day. At the end of the call, the last thing I said to him was that I loved him. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me. I am SO glad that is the way things ended; I am so glad we were not in the middle of some petty argument about something that doesn't matter.

I urge all of you to tell the people you love in your lives how you feel about them. Be sure they know it because you never know when might be your last chance to say it.

Thank you."

And that was it. That is my best recollection of what I said. I am sure some of it didn't come out exactly that way but it is pretty close I think. I urge anyone who reads this to take the same message from this that I tried to pass on to those assembled on Saturday. Also, I thank Heather for reminding me to call him back on Christmas. I'm glad I did.